


Interpretation

by Tammaiya



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-13
Updated: 2005-01-13
Packaged: 2018-08-12 04:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7921402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tammaiya/pseuds/Tammaiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Subaru and Seishirou have a conversation, of sorts, and outside, the cherry blossoms are falling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interpretation

It's spring, and the cherry blossoms are out in full force. Subaru stands at the window, forehead resting on the glass as he stares blindly at the falling petals.  
  
"Inside on a day like this, Subaru-kun?"  
  
Subaru turns his head, slightly, to look over his shoulder; Seishirou is sitting at the table, smiling sardonically. Subaru sighs, hands tightening reflexively around the cup of tea he holds.  
  
Sakura tea.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"That's hardly a very nice thing to say," Seishirou chides him mildly. "Maybe I just wanted to see you."  
  
"You always have an ulterior motive," Subaru says dully. "You always did."  
  
Seishirou's smile turns slightly darker. A hint of something predatory passes through his single eye; he's not wearing his sunglasses. It's an expression Subaru is quite familiar with.  
  
"Everybody does, Subaru-kun. No one is selfless. It's simply a matter of whether one chooses to delude themselves or be blind to the egocentricity of others."  
  
Subaru laughs bitterly. "That's exactly the kind of thing you would say, isn't it? If only I didn't believe it. I didn't, once. Sometimes I worry that I'm turning into you." He looks down, watches the ripples in the tea. "Tell me, then. What are my ulterior motives?"  
  
When he looks up again, Seishirou's expression is one of gently condescending amusement. Another look Subaru has often seen on the assassin's face in the past. "Do you expect me to know the answer to that when you are not even able to answer it for yourself?"  
  
Subaru's eyes sting, suddenly. Blinking fiercely, he turns to look out the window again, gaze distant. "Of course not. Maybe it was a rhetorical question. Forget I said anything."  
  
When he glances back, Seishirou is leaning against the kitchen bench, one hand resting casually in a pocket and the other lying on the counter.  
  
"Always so cynical. One would almost think you're not the same person as the boy I knew."  
  
"I'm not," Subaru says simply, without resentment or accusation in his tone. "And you were never the man I fell in love with, Seishirou-san."  
  
Seishirou's smile is cool. "Are you saying you never really loved me, then? How disappointing, that my feelings should not be requited."  
  
"I loved you," Subaru says tonelessly. "I loved you, even after all you did to me. I shouldn't have; what was there to love, after all? I fell in love on false pretenses, but knowing that never changed anything." He shakes his head, wry but without humour. "Why must you always mock me, Seishirou-san? You never loved me."  
  
"Didn't I?" Seishirou asks calmly. "To say such a thing when I spoke the words to you myself. How untrusting of you."  
  
"You always lied." Subaru won't look at Seishirou, though the other man moves a few steps closer. "Almost everything you ever said to me was a lie. Excuse me for not trusting you without question; blindly accepting whatever you told me would be considered by most as incredible stupidity. Your actions hardly helped, either."  
  
"Actions can be interpreted in different ways," Seishirou says blandly. "Do you think I was being sincere, Subaru-kun?"  
  
"How should I know?" Subaru snaps back, suddenly irritable. "I never will. It's ridiculous to dwell on it now."  
  
"Why?" Seishirou challenges him, though Subaru can no more tell now than he ever could whether it is honest curiosity or the desire to provoke. "Don't you love me, Subaru-kun?"  
  
"No," Subaru says tiredly, concentrating on the warmth seeping into his hands from the cup. "I can't love something that isn't real."  
  
"Ah, but you said you loved me," Seishirou points out. "Is it you who is lying now, Subaru-kun?"  
  
"I love Seishirou-san." The teacup makes a quiet clicking noise as he sets it down on the bench and the glass of the window is cold against his palm, a sharp contrast. "I'm not in love with his ghost."  
  
And Seishirou laughs softly, a familiar smirk gracing those achingly familiar features before he fades away as if he never was. He wasn't, not really; Subaru knows that. Not even a ghost, simply a fragment of a memory that refuses to let him be. He was talking to himself, and now the silence echoes through the kitchen.  
  
Maybe he's going insane.  
  
Maybe he's already gone.


End file.
